Schmuck Tales
by Fearless Swan
Summary: Bentley and his new protege attempt to rob Scrooge McDuck's money bin.
1. Bentley's Big Plan

NOTES- Bentley the turtle is property of Sucker Punch Entertainment. DuckTales characters are property of Walt Disney Corporation.  
  
SCHMUCK TALES  
  
NEW YORK, N.Y. - 3:35 P.M.  
  
"I don't care that you messed up on that last job.You're still much easier to work with than that smelly raccoon.", said Bentley, as he and Ross McGraw relaxed in McGraw's apartment. "Raccoons are so dirty and stupid.", said Ross. "So, what do you have planned for our next heist?", the rooster asked. "We're going to break into McDuck's money bin. We'll take his famous number one dime, and grab some of his gold coins while we're at it.", said the turtle.  
  
"But that place is impenetrable", said Ross. "That's a myth. The roof of that structure is of extremely poor quality. I guess that old duck was too cheap to reinforce the entire building.", said Bentley.  
  
"And how am I going to get up there?", Ross asked. "Don't worry about that. I've got a plan.", Bentley said. "But first, I must pay a visit to Mr. Clark up in Forest City.", Bentley then said.   
  
"Why?", asked McGraw. "Because he has a helicopter, which is essential to my plan.", Bentley responded. "And how can you be sure this Clark will let us use his chopper?", Ross then asked. "Don't worry.", Bentley said as he opened a safe and filled a bag with gold bars. "Money talks.", said the turtle. "And if he doesn't listen, we'll simply take the chopper anyway.", he continued.  
  
"You really are a genius.", said Ross, as he made his way toward the door. "Where are you going?", asked Bentley. "This job's going to require some manpower. I'm going to get a couple of friends to help us out.", Ross said. "OK. Well, don't be too long.", said the turtle. "I won't.", the rooster said, leaving.  
  
Later....  
  
Ross returned home with two individuals. "I'd like to introduce you to the two newest members of Team Bentley.", the rooster then said to his turtle friend. "This is Oliver Hudson.", Ross said, introducing Bentley to the first, and otter. "Call me Ace.", the otter said as he shook hands with Bentley. "And this is Floyd Bell.", he said of the second thief, an owl. "A pleasure to meet you.", said the owl. "Well, I hope this will be a pleasurable experience for all of us.", Bentley said to the two of them.  
  
"We'd better get over to Andy Clark's place and inquire about that helicopter before it gets too late.", said Bentley. "Yeah.", Ross said. The four thieves exited the apartment. 


	2. The Visit

FOREST CITY, N.Y. - 5:19 P.M.  
  
Andy Clark was resting up for another night of thieving when the tranquility of his home was interrupted by the ring of the doorbell.  
  
At the door were Bentley the turtle and three strangers. "What do YOU want?", Andy asked of the turtle. "And who are these three?", he then said. "This is my new gang. We were wondering if perhaps we could use your helicopter.", said Bentley.  
  
"HELL no.", said "But you yourself said the thing was more of a hassle then it was worth. You even tried to give it away.", said Bentley. "Oh well. Perhaps this will change your mind.", the turtle said, dumping a bag of gold bars on the raccoon's doorstep.   
  
"Wow.", Andy remarked at the sight of the gold. "This means I don't have to go out tonight.", said the raccoon. "You've got yourself a deal, buddy.", Andy said. "I'll take you over to the heliport to get it.", Andy said as he put on his shoes. "Follow me.", he said, picking up his keys.  
  
The four thieves followed Andy out to his garage. Everyone then piled into his car. They drove off. "You'd better bring this back to me in one piece.", Andy warned Bentley. "It's no problem, sir.", responded the turtle.   
  
Andy entered the heliport through a secret back entrance and drove right up to his chopper. "It's all yours.", Andy said. "Remember what I said.", the raccoon then said. "OK.", said Bentley. Andy drove off. "Wait a minute.", Ross said, chasing Andy's Mercedes. "I need to go back and get our car.", the rooster said. "OK.", Andy said. Ross got in and the two sped off.   
  
"So, who's going to fly this?", Bentley asked. "I will.", said Floyd, Ross's owl friend. "I sure hope you know what you're doing.", Bentley said. "Relax.", the owl responded.  
  
Later....  
  
Ross returned with the gang's getaway car. Bentley opened the trunk. "Now, we just have to make some modifications to the chopper and we'll be good to go.", said the turtle. "I sure hope Mr. Clark doesn't mind what you're about to do to his helicopter.", said Ross. "To hell with him.", Bentley said.   
  
Moments later, Bentley and company had attached a large drill to the base of the helicopter. This would be used to gain access to McDuck's money bin and the fortune within. "All right, boys, let's go home and rest up.", said Bentley. "I sure hope this crazy-ass plan of yours works.", Ross said as they drove off. 


	3. Chaos Over Duckburg

DUCKBURG, N.Y. - 11:26 P.M.  
  
Bentley and his gang were now flying Andy Clark's helicopter toward Scrooge McDuck's money bin- and hopefully all the riches and notoriety that come with pulling a big-time theft.  
  
"I hope this doesn't take too long.", said Bentley. "This town is SO dirty and stinky. I'm afraid I might catch something.", the turtle said. "We're 300 feet up!", said Ross. "Still, you never know.", said the turtle.  
  
The helicopter now hovered over Scrooge McDuck's money bin, the single-largest stash of wealth on planet Earth. To date, no one had ever successfully robbed it, but then again, most previous attempts had been half-hearted at best.   
  
"Scrooge's lucky dime is in a glass case in the office on the upper level.", said Bentley. "I thought the old coot slept with that thing.", Ross remarked. "That's another myth.", the turtle said. "Anyhow, be warned. The upper level office is filled with security laser beams, motion detectors, and the most advanced alarm systems money can buy.", the turtle said. "And don't worry if you can't get the dime. If you fail to grab it, just concentrate on grabbing as much gold as you can.", Bentley said. "Got ya.", said Ross.  
  
"All right, fire up the drill.", said Bentley. "Sure thing, boss.", Floyd said. The owl pushed a button and the drill started up, boring a hole in the roof of the structure. The chopper lifted up slightly, and Ross opened the hatch and tossed a rope down into the hole. "All right, Ace, let's get going.", Ross said to his otter friend. "Good luck, you two.", Bentley said as the two climbed down into the bin.  
  
Just then, a strange-looking aircraft soared over the money bin and fired a missle at the chopper. "Oh, fuck!", Bentley exclaimed as he and Floyd bailed out of the falling helicopter. "They said it couldn't be done, but I'm now the first to have built and successfully flown a stealth bomber made entirely out fo Popsicle sticks.", said the pilot of the mystery plane, who was none other than the wacky inventor Gyro Gearloose. "Well done, laddy.", Scrooge McDuck said over the radio. "You saved me fortune." "It was nothing, Mr. McDuck.", said Gyro.  
  
As for Ross and Ace, they were now trapped in the massive structure as police surrounded and then entered. "You boys are going away for a long time.", a police officer said as he slapped the cuffs on the two. "I knew this fucked-up plan wouldn't work.", Ross said as the cop stuck him in a police cruiser.  
  
Bentley and Floyd landed in a darkened woodland just to the north of McDuck's bin. "We are so screwed.", said the owl. "Ah, shut up.", Bentley said.  
  
Meanwhile, Andy Clark watched the news with utter shock and frustration. "Pandemonium tonight in Duckburg as a robbery attempt on multi-trillionaire Scrooge McDuck ends with a fiery helicopter crash.", a reporter said. The camera showed the flaming wreckage of Andy's helicopter and then switched to show Ross McGraw and his partner in handcuffs. "Police have apprehended two of the would-be burglars, while two others are believed to have survived the helicopter crash and may still be at large.", the reporter then said.  
  
"Too bad the wreck didn't kill that turtle. Because now, I'll do the job.", said Andy. "It's your own fault.", Tony said. "You're the one who let that dumbass have our chopper." "You're right, Tony. I'm SUCH an idiot!!", Andy moaned. "Oh well. At least I've got a couple hundred thousand in solid gold for my troubles.", Andy said as he ran his paws over some gold bars. "And it's almost worth a helicopter to see that fool turtle fall flat.", Andy said, laughing.  
  
Meanwhile, Bentley and Floyd had stolen a car and were now racing back to New York to hide from the law and plan a jailbreak for their friends. "Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to leave Sly, after all.", Bentley groaned as he raced down the New York State Thruway. "And perhaps it wasn't such a good idea for me to have teamed up with such a bunch of ASSHOLES!", said the owl.  
  
THE END 


End file.
